An apology

I wanna adress what happened related to the ban log with a few apologies. First, to the victim. It's been 5 years since our friendship ended, and I don't remember everything I've said and done back then, but I know it was bad and irresponsible. I wasn't being the adult I should have been in the situation, and I was being a shady, borderline pedophilic piece of shit, which lead to inappropriate sexual conversations that you should have not been exposed to. I would like to think I never tried to groom anyone, but when some of the conversation we had was brought up to me, I think it's inappropriate enough that it could be considered grooming regardless of my intents. I felt like I've manipulate you as much as I've manipulate myself into a situation no 14 years old should be in, and I've got only myself to blame. And I'm also sorry that I didn't make more of an effort to reach out for an apology earlier. I selfishly thought that it was my own moral failing, and I only though to directly contact you without involving others, and didn't make further effort when it didn't work out. I genuinly believe I have caused harm to you, and I hope you can move on and heal from my actions in the past. We had a toxic and inappropriate friendship, and all I can hope for is that you've found better people in your life than I was. And to my friends for the last 5 years, I'm sorry I wasn't fortcoming about this earlier. While I was completely in the wrong, I personally felt like it was a traumatic experience that I shouldn't involve others in my life in. I selfishly thought that as long as I learn and change to a better person, my friends won't have to see the consequence of my own past, and in doing so I wasn't being sincere whenever the situation were brought up. It is appropriate if you see me and my works differently, since as much as I wanna believe that the Rivvie who inappropriately talk about sex with minor is not who I am anymore, he will always be a part of my past, and I can't learn or grow completely without acknowledging him. For that, I'm sorry, and I understand if you'd reconsider our friendship. And my last appology is to myself. There were terrible decisions and moral failing that I've done in the past that I've failed to acknowledge appropriately. Growing and changing isn't enough if I never looked into the root cause and address my previous falling as a person rather than running away from it. And to that, I'm sorry. All I can offer now is amendment. I understand that you wanna see my deserved comeuppance, but I would hope that there's something I can do to help you heal and move past what I've done. If you wanna reach out, weather to offer me and option to make things better, or just to call me a pedophile, my dms are open.