My lost loves (part 2)

I supposed, after nine years of marriage and two kids, one should expect something like that.

In another five months it would be our tenth anniversary and I had a plan that would, hopefully, bring our love making right back up to that high fever pitch. Every year we tried to take a little vacation but always with the kids of course. We always had a great time but I was really looking for a nice, romantic get-away with just the two of us.

Yes, I could see the Virgin Islands in our future. When we were there for our honeymoon we rented a little cottage behind the hotel that owned the property. It had a living room, a bedroom, a little kitchenette and it was only steps from the beautiful turquoise waters of the Caribbean.

Of course that was almost ten years ago. The hotel had changed hands twice since then and I didn’t even know if the little hut was still standing. It took me a couple hours and several long distance phone calls before learning the new name of the hotel and the fact that the little hut was, indeed, still standing and was still being rented out. I immediately reserved it for the week of March first the following year. Now all I had to do was figure out what to do with the kids for that week.

I wasn’t about to leave them with my folks. In his old age my dad had lost what little patience he ever had. He would be yelling at them from the time they got there till the time they left. No, my folks were out of the question.

That left Kris’ mom and stepfather but they lived in Colorado. I wondered how they would feel about staying in Chicago for a week? I called and first made them both promise not to mention anything to Kris before asking if they would be interested in babysitting for that week. Since they lived so far away they didn’t get a chance to see their grandkids that often and jumped at the chance. My plan was coming together.

I really wanted to surprise Kris at the last minute with our second honeymoon so I was on pins and needles for the next several months worrying about her parents making a slip, especially around Christmas. They flew out and spent three days with us, but thank God, never said a word to spoil my plans.

I was hoping the holidays would brighten Kris’ spirits some but as soon as they were over she went right back into her slump. Our sex life was suffering even more than before and I was literally counting the days till March.

On February twenty-seventh operation ‘little grass hut,’ was launched. I had arranged for a limo to pick Kris’ parents up at O’Hare and bring them straight to our house. A little after seven in the evening our doorbell rang. The look on Kris’ face was absolutely priceless as she looked at her mother and step-dad standing on our porch with suitcases in hand.

"Hi honey," said Greg, the man she had known as her father since childhood, "we were just in the neighborhood and thought we’d drop in for a visit."

Kris screamed with delight and hugged them both. "Ah honey," I spoke up, "shouldn’t we invite them in?"

"Yes, yes of course," she responded, "I’m just so surprised to see you guys, come in, please. Gad," said Kris still getting and giving hugs, "it’s so good to see you."

The kids, who were up stairs in their rooms, heard the commotion and came down to see what was going on. When they saw grandma and grandpa they welcomed them with excitement. It took several minutes for things to calm down. I could see Kris was just full of questions but we still hadn’t quite gotten over the greeting stage yet.

Once the initial shock was over I brought refreshments in for everyone. "How did you get here from the airport?" asked Kris. I could tell she had a ton of questions.

"Brent sent a limo for us," said Audrey, Kris’ mother.

"Brent did," Kris looked at me with a question mark in her eyes. "You knew they were coming and you didn’t tell me?"

"Honey, if I had said something it would have ruined the surprise," I said.

Kris smiled at her folks. "Oh, of course, you’re here for our anniversary." Kris got up from the couch, put her arms around my neck, and planted a big sloppy kiss on my lips. I heard the kids groan.

"Well yes honey," I said after getting my lips back. I looked into her eyes and smiled. "They’ll be here for our anniversary but we won’t be." For a second I thought I saw terror in her eyes but I knew it must have been more questions. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the airline tickets. "Happy anniversary," I said handing them to her.

She looked at them and gasped putting her hand to her mouth. "Honey! Oh my God, we’re going back to the Virgin Islands? Really?" She had tears in her eyes when she looked back up at me.

"Yes darling," I said almost tearing up myself, "Your folks are going to baby sit for us all week while you and I are lounging on the beach in St. Thomas right in front of the same little hut we had for our honeymoon."

At that point I think Kris forgot about her parents and the kids. She jumped on me putting her arms around my neck and hanging on while wrapping her legs around my waist before smothering me with a deluge of kisses. That was exactly what I was hoping for, I had my Kris back!

St. Thomas was even better this time than it was ten years ago. For one thing we had more money to spend. Even though the hotel had a new owner it hadn’t changed much. We ate our dinners at the same outdoor restaurant and fed the iguanas from table scraps. During the day we shopped the many specialty stores scattered all over town. We went hiking in the mountains and took pictures of all the historical sights.

One that Kris loved in particular, was a beautiful old tree ancient enough to witness Sir Francis Drake himself as he stood on the high bluff overlooking the bay, just waiting for an unsuspecting galleon loaded with pieces of eight.

The evenings we spent at the outdoor bar we enjoyed last time; located right on the beach, it allowed us to drink our Pina Coladas as the warm tropical waters kissed our toes at high tide.

Of course we did all this in between our love making sessions. I think we probably screwed more than on our honeymoon. Kris was insatiable and I was so happy to have my wife back that I was up for just about anything.

We never even got to sleep on our last night. After a Mai Tai or two we were back inside our hut. Before removing my own clothes, I slowly and sensuously undressed Kris, meticulously undoing one button, one zipper, one clasp at a time.

After getting horizontal, as my wife would say, we lay facing one another and gazed into each other’s eyes. For a brief moment I thought I saw an unfamiliar look, almost guilt, but I knew I was wrong. What would Kris have to feel guilty about?

She closed her eyes as I rained kisses down in all those little areas that drove her wild. I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk the next day but I didn’t care as I brought Kris from one orgasmic episode to another using my highly honed oral skills.

Several times during the night the skin around my cock was stretched so tightly it was painful, only for a little while though, Kris saw to that.

We were like kids again. We just couldn’t get enough of each other. We cared not of the hour, but of our passion for one another. Finally spent we lay cuddled in each other’s arms and kissed goodnight. A few minutes later we both started to laugh as streaks of sunlight broke through the bedroom window. It was time get up.

Kris squeezed my hand as she watch the island getting smaller from her window seat. A lonely tear fell to her cheek. "We’ll be back," I told her trying to cheer her up, "and it won’t take us another ten years either."

I guess its true about traveling, no matter how the great the trip its always good to be home. Such was the case when pulled into our drive. The kids were the first to realize our presence and came running out to the car with hugs and kisses for both of us. The grandparents waited just inside the door with big smiles. Just judging by everyone’s mood, I’m guessing everyone had a good week.

Once inside we did a replay of all the welcome home hugs and kisses. Of course we had presents for everyone. Both Catherine and Brea were ecstatic with their seashell jewelry. Kris adorned her mother’s neck with a beautiful, precious stone, necklace, and I gave Greg an expensive gold watch. I won’t even tell you how much I spent on Kris down there, after all, it was our anniversary.

The next day we took Kris’ parents to the airport and sent them back home with our profound thanks. After that things pretty much returned back to normal, everything except our love making that is, it continued to be as passionate as it had ever been on the island.

For the last five years the neighborhood, fourth of July party, was our responsibility. We had a great grill and a good sized back yard so we didn’t mind a bit. Kris really got into sending out the invitations always coming up with some clever gimmick.

I remember the day in late April I came home a little early. Kris was busy cooking with her back to the door and didn’t even hear me come in. Her laptop was open on the kitchen table with a list of the people she was going to invite to the party. Silently I was browsing the list.

"You forgot Rita and Jerry," I said. Poor Kris jumped a foot in the air. "I’m sorry honey," I said with a slight chuckle, "I didn’t mean to scare you."

Kris was gasping for breath with her hand on her chest. "You scared me half to death, Brent. Don’t ever sneak up on me like that."

"I’m sorry honey," I said, "really."

Kris walked over, now grinning after the initial shock, and gave me my usual welcome home hug and kiss. On the way back to the stove she casually lowered the screen of her laptop. "You forgot Jerry and Rita Anderson," I said. "You can’t forget Jerry, he’s always the life of the party."

I seemed to detect a hint of nervousness in Kris’ voice. "They can’t make it this year," she said. "They’re going out of town that week-end."

I was legitimately sorry to hear that. Jerry was Kris’ friend before I met him, but he was also a long time friend of mine and was always the comedian. "Oh that’s too bad," I replied, "Jerry’s always good for a dozen laughs. Remember the Christmas party a couple years ago, he walked around all night with mistletoe hanging from his belt buckle?"

I didn’t think anything more about until the following month. I was on the golf course with the three guys I usually play with. We had all known each other for years. "Hey did you hear about Rita and Jerry Anderson?" asked Gary. "They up and moved to Phoenix or some place our there."

"What?" I asked, I knew he had to be mistaken. Jerry worked at the airport, had for over twenty years. He loved his job, there was no way he would move. "No, come on, Jerry would never quit his job and just move. You must have heard wrong. Hell we’ve known them for ten years, there‘s no way they would leave without saying good-bye."

"I’m telling you," said Gary adamantly, "they’re gone. Don’t say anything, but I heard Jerry and Rita were having problems. I think Jerry was seeing someone else but I’m not sure about that."

"Okay," I said, "now I know you must be wrong. Jerry fucking around on Rita? No way!"

"All I know Brent, is that they’re gone. I heard Jerry took early retirement, the house is already sold…the whole ball of wax."

I still couldn’t believe it. Then I thought of Kris telling me they would be out of town for our party. "When did they move?" I asked.

"About mid March," said Gary. Mid march? It was almost the end of April when I talked to Kris about them. She must have known by that time that they had moved. I wondered why she didn’t just tell me instead of saying they would be out of town for our party?

Something didn’t feel right. Was Kris hiding something from me? As far as I knew Kris had never lied to me or had she ever given me cause to doubt or suspect her of anything. I’m probably making too much of this, I thought as I stepped up to the third tee and let fly with one right down the middle.

I hadn’t thought anymore about it until the day of the party. Between friends, relatives, neighbors, and all the kids we must have had seventy people all milling around the house and back yard. As usual, I got stuck with grill duty while Kris floated around being the perfect hostess.

I was quickly running out of hamburger buns and had to run into the house to get some more. I opened the kitchen cabinet door and was looking for more buns when I heard my wife from the other side of the wall talking with Jan, one of her best friends.

"So, what did Rita say to you?" I heard Jan ask.

"Shhhh," my wife shushed her friend, then lowered her own voice so I could barely make out what she was saying. "She told me she would scratch my eyes out if she ever saw me again."

What? Did I just hear her correctly, I wondered. Rita and Kris were friends, why would Rita want to scratch her eyes out? This didn’t make sense. I was no detective but it didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out something wasn’t right here. I quietly took the buns and left. I had to think. As Holmes would say, ‘the game’s a-foot,’ I had to figure this out.

It didn’t take me long. By the time I got back to the grill I could only come up with one explanation, and I didn’t like it. First, Kris evidently lied when she said they would be out of town. She had to know by that time that they had actually moved. Then Gary heard Jerry was fucking around on Rita and now Kris says Rita wants to scratch her eyes out. It was elementary my dear Watson, Kris and Jerry had an affair!

Suddenly my stomach was tied in knots. I almost threw up on the burgers. I called out for anyone, the closest human to the grill, to please watch it while I went in the house for a little while. I walked right past Kris and Jan who were still talking in the dinning room.

I must have looked sick when I passed because Kris asked if I was okay. I just mumbled and headed straight for the bathroom. Kris came to the door and heard me vomiting. "Brent, are you sick? Are you okay? What’s the matter honey?"

"I’ll be okay," I yelled through the door, "I just got a sudden upset stomach, I’ll be okay in a few minutes."

I could hear her concern but told her to go out and take care of our guests. I assured her I would be fine in a few minutes.

Between throwing-up and quietly crying, I had no idea how long I had been in there. Finally I washed my face and tried to look presentable again. When I came out Kris was waiting outside the door. Just as she approached Jan was coming over as well. "Is he okay?" Jan asked Kris.

"I don’t know," Kris replied looking into my face. With true concern she asked me, "Honey are you alright, is it your stomach?"

I guess I was a little short with her. "I said I’ll be fine, go out and take care of our guests," I said with an edge to my voice.

Kris and Jan looked at each other. You could just hear the wheels turning wondering if I knew something. "Okay honey," Kris said anxiously. She and Jan went back out to the party through the kitchen. I just wasn’t able to face people yet so I went up to our bedroom to think. I sat on the edge of the bed and buried my face in my hands.

I had to be wrong, I thought. Like I said, I’m not Sherlock Holmes. I’m sure I’m jumping to the wrong conclusion. There is just no way, no way at all that Kris would cheat on me, and certainly not with Jerry. He was funny, almost clown like, but sure as hell no Don Juan. No, this had to be all a big mistake. Tonight, after everyone is gone and the kids are asleep I’ll talk to Kris, I’m sure she’ll be able to straighten all this out.

After convincing myself I had to be wrong, I actually felt a little better and returned to the party. As soon as Kris saw me she walked over and put her arm around me. "Are you sure you’re okay, honey," she asked again while reaching up and kissing my cheek.

"I’ll be fine," I told her again, this time in a more pleasant tone of voice.

The party lasted well into the night with the last of the hard-core revelers making their exodus around nine thirty in the evening. After a very full day, Catherine and Brea were both asleep as fast as their heads hit the pillow. I suggested we also get a good night’s sleep since we had a lot of cleaning up to do the next day.

I knew it wasn’t my imagination, Kris was nervous. I could see it as I followed her into our bedroom. She knew something was bothering me, even if she wasn’t sure what it was. I stood behind her and watched as she sat at her dressing table taking her ear rings off.

"Why would Rita Anderson want to scratch your eyes out?" I asked bluntly.

I saw her freeze. She looked at my image in the mirror. She seemed to be at a loss for words, then I saw tears welling up in her eyes.

"There is only one reason I can think of why one woman would want to scratch out the eyes of another," I said in an accusatory tone. "A couple months ago you told me they couldn’t make it to our party, then I learn that they moved. Gary tells me Jerry was fucking around with another woman and today I heard you tell Jan that Rita wanted to scratch your eyes out. Please Kris, please tell me the other woman wasn’t you."

Kris burst out in tears. All of a sudden I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. I half fell and half sat down on the edge of the bed. I just stared at my hysterical wife. This can’t be happening, I thought. My whole world just came crashing down on me and I too started to bawl uncontrollably.

I guess I was the first to recover. "I’m not sleeping with you tonight," I said angrily while taking a spare pillow from the closet, "I’ll sleep on the couch. I don’t know how this is going to play out, Kris, I really don’t think I can handle this. I’ve never been hurt so bad by anyone in my entire life and especially not by someone who claims to love me."

"I do love you," Kris managed to say between sobs.

"Yeah, right!" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Don’t bother coming down stairs, I don’t want to see you tonight," I said. With that I vehemently marched out of the room and down stairs.

Try as I did, after tossing and turning half the night there was just no way I was going to get any sleep. I finally went for a walk. I don’t know how long I was gone, a couple hours probably, but when I got back Kris was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.

"I was watching from the bedroom window when you left," she said, "I thought I’d make some coffee for when you came back."

I looked down at the floor and just shook my head. "I don’t believe it. You hear about this kind of thing happening to others but not you…not us."

"Honey it d…"

"Don’t tell me it didn’t mean anything, don’t you dare say that. It means everything. It means our marriage is destroyed. It means our happy home is gone. It means the woman who promised to love, honor, and cherish me thought those vows meant nothing. Don’t you dare say it didn’t mean anything."

Kris put her head in her hands and started to cry all over again. I just couldn’t take it. Under normal circumstances my heart would be broken watching Kris cry like that, but at least for right now, it had turned to stone.

I went back up stairs and quickly packed a bag. I didn’t even look in her direction as I hit the bottom stair and headed for the door. "I going to stay at the studio for awhile, I have no idea for how long. You can clean this fuck’n place up by yourself tomorrow, I don’t give a flying fuck!"

I didn’t hear from anyone for three days. Then the business phone in the studio rang. It doesn’t have caller ID.

"Brent’s Commercial Photography," I announced as I picked it up. There was a short pause.

"Brent, its Greg." It was Kris’ step-dad and it sounded as if he’d been crying. Hell, I thought, why not, that’s about all I do these days.

"Hello Greg."

"Son, I…I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to say except that I’m so very sorry." He was starting to break down again.

"Kris told you then?"

"She told us the whole story son. She said she had an affair and you found out. Thi…this hurts us too son, I…I just can’t get over it."
I could hear him crying again, as well as Kris’ mother in the background. I wondered if Kris had any idea how much pain she caused the people that loved her the most.

Just then I heard a familiar voice that sounded like it came from in the room. "Greg where are you?" I asked.

"We’re at the house son, we just couldn’t leave Kris alone at a time like this. Ah, don’t get the wrong idea Brent, we’re not condoning Kris’ behavior in any way, but she is our daughter and I thought it would be better for the kids as well."

"How are they doing Greg?"

"Well, I won’t lie to you, they’re taking it pretty hard. Kris took all the responsibility and told the kids this was all her fault, but…well, they still keep asking when daddy is coming home."

Hearing about my kids was making me cry again.

"Brent," continued Greg, "Kris wants to know if you would consider marriage counseling? I…ah, I’m begging you myself, son. Please, at least give it a chance. I can only imagine how much you must be hurting, but if there’s a chance in hell of repairing your marriage, I pray you’ll take it.

"Why didn’t Kris ask?"

"She didn’t think you would talk to her," replied Greg.

"Tell her to set it up and call me herself with the where and when and I’ll be there."

"Oh God Brent thank you, you don’t know what this means to all of us. Thank you so much son. I’ll let her know and have her call you with the details."

"Okay Greg. I’ve got to go now, I have work to do." We said our good-byes and ended the call. After several days of trying to sort things through I was no closer than the night I walked out. I did not want to end our marriage but I just couldn’t see how I could not. I prayed a marriage counselor could show me the way.

Less than two hours later Kris called back with a schedule. Her voice was so weak I almost didn’t recognize it. The first session was the following Monday at seven in the evening, four more days away.

When I walked into the counselor’s office Kris was already there. I never saw her look so bad. Her normally luxurious hair was sticking out at the ends. Her eyes were red and had dark circles under them. She was holding a hanky and her hands were shaking. I should feel sorry for her I thought, but I don’t.

I sat down two chairs over from where she was sitting. Our counselor introduced herself. She was a nice looking elderly lady by the name of Betty. She wanted us to use first names, she said, to help keep everything friendly. She wanted Kris to explain how the affair got started and to explain what significance it had in her life.

Kris said it started innocently. When he was working nights, Jerry would come over for coffee during the day and they would joke around and flirt with each other. One day he slapped her butt. She turned around, but instead of slapping his face and telling him to get out, like she should have done, she playfully grabbed his balls.

Kris told the counselor Jerry was always so silly it didn’t even feel like she was cheating. It was more like two kids playing house. There was never any emotional ties between them, one never mentioned love or having any feelings for the other. Jerry acted the part of a clown. He would stand up on the bed after fucking her, beat his chest and do a Tarzan yell.

I listened to as much as I could. This was a bad idea, I thought. Hearing Kris talking about fucking another man was just making me more infuriated. About a half hour into the session I stood up.

"Stop!" I yelled, "stop, please stop. I can’t listen to any more of this." I looked directly at Kris when I spoke. "It’s not going to work honey, as much as I love you there is just no way for us to get back together. Every time I looked at you, held you, kissed you, I’d think of that bastard Jerry. Darling you couldn’t have hurt me more if you had slowly stabbed me in the heart and twisted the knife."

Kris looked into my face. Her voice trembled, "I’m so sorry Brent, God I’m so very, very sorry."

"I know you are Kris, and I know you love me. It’s not even a matter of trust, I doubt very much you’d ever do this again. It’s the hurt. I will never get past the hurt."

"Honey," her voice was hoarse from the stress, "my dad said if maybe we could get Jerry to apologize to you. Would that help honey? Dad said he would work at contacting him for me and get him to call you."

"Jerry!" I could feel my face getting even more red. "If you ever talk to that mother fuck’n son-of-bitch again you tell him for me he better never cross my path because if he does, they’ll take him away in a stretcher."

I could see the shock on Kris’ face. She’d never heard me talk about anyone like that before, never even heard me use that kind of language before. I continued, "I have never hated a man in my life until now. He robbed me of my happiness, of my very soul. If I thought for two minutes I could get away with it, I’d put a bullet right between his fucking eyes and never give it another thought."

By the look in Kris’ face, I think she realized the consequences of her, non-emotional, affair. I was a different man. I turned and walked out. As I started down the hall I heard the therapist say, "I’m sorry Kris, there’s nothing I can do, he’s too deeply hurt."

My body convulsed as another bolt of excruciating torture shot through my chest. I was losing ground and I knew it. My only hope was to get my phone in the house. I could feel the cold breezes getting stronger as daylight was slipping away. My left side was numb. I used all the strength I could conjure up to twist my body onto my stomach. I looked forward, the ten feet between me and the steps to the back porch looked like a mile. I reached out using my fingers as a claw, digging into the frozen ground, and trying to pull myself toward the house.

I could feel myself drifting in and out of consciousness. "Ooh, look how beautiful," I heard her, Sandy, my wife, I could hear her voice. "God has his paintbrush out again, and I have the pleasure of watching with the man I love."

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