Goodbye

Hey, so.. You're probably wondering why I'm doing this or the reasoning behind it. If not, please leave. The truth is im beyond tired. Tired of the shit I get put through, tired of never having friends. Tired of trying so hard to keep the ppl I thought were friends while we constantly shift in and out of contact. Tired of being left all by myself constantly. All my life I've had nothing but hate. Judgement. And abuse. Ever since school teachers would believe the other students over me all because I was autistic and "well if you're reacting tjay way then obviously you did it" no. I was hurt. And upset. I'm in constant physical pain due to genetics and my heart isn't quite right nor is my spine. I struggle to gain weight and when I do, some illness comes and takes it away from me. I'm constantly sick to my stomach at the sight of me and I'm disgustingly mentally ill. I've tried getting therapy for over 5 years now and have never been able to. I've come to terms with the fact im never gonna get better and things will onlt get worse and I'll continue to hurt the people I love. Ever since my dog died I have felt a huge chunk of my life move away, as my other dogs don't come up to me and they don't recognise sadness lkle she did. If u were sad or crying she would come and sit with you, leaning agsisnt you, or cuddling you. Knowing you needed her. I don't have tjay anymore. I don't have anyone to play games or even hang out with. There's this black hole inside me that's eating me whole. People who I thought loved me never did. I'm jst a fucking toy. I'm never good enough. I can't bare the dread of knowing things are going to get worse anymore. And ik it's going to get worse due to a personal situation in my life I'm not comfortable sharing. So don't try and say "fix urself and try to do better." because I cannot. I can't. I would, believe me. But it's Im so fucking sorry and please don't take this personal. And please don't follow after me. Goodbye.