for V of solittttude

likewise, i hope your holidays went well. i'm really sorry if this is random/stupid/weird but reading your posts whenever they appear just fills me with a profound sense of sadness. and i don't mean to insinuate that you're an attention seeker or anything, i've just found myself empathizing with you more and more. i think you're a good person. the thing with truly terrible people is that they either blame others for their issues or don't acknowledge that they're sad in the first place. you both blame yourself for everything wrong in your life while being hyperaware of all of your flaws, both real and perceived. i just think you should lighten up on yourself. like when i was reading your most recent post, the first thing i thought about was that all groups of women have their different problems, and not having the same problems as other women is literally a part of being one. it could even be as something simple as darker skinned women not having to deal with sunburn as often/at all compared to lighter skinned women. it doesn't make either group any less of women, so why should having problems exclusive to trans women make you less of a woman? they're still problems that are experienced by a woman, even if they're only experienced by a specific group of women. hell, the things you described at the start are experienced by women all across the world. i've known cis women with masculine voices, cis women who've spent an insane amount of hours playing "typically masculine" shit like warhammer, cis women who constantly get mistaken for men, and even one of my friends was just talking about getting laser hair removal during lunch earlier this week. there are even cis women out there who have literally never experienced sexism because of where they live. don't exclude yourself from being a woman just because you think you don't experience the same problems, circumstances, etc, as other women. you're suffering right now for being a woman, and even if it's not from being cat-called or receiving lower wages than a man or whatever, you're most certainly tormenting yourself for being a woman. and also you talk a lot about being AGP on this site. my question is why does it really matter, even if you are? there are people with foot fetishes who go on to be podiatrists, massage artists, etc, and nobody gets mad at them for basically choosing to indulge their fetish for the rest of their life. i have no way of knowing if you're actually AGP or if it's a label that you've placed on yourself to torment yourself further, but even if you actually are AGP, you still deserve to be happy. like going back to the hypothetical foot fetish person, sure they could let their fetish make them a bad person who takes advantage of patients for access to their feet. they could make it seem like all podiatrists are foot fetishists, or they could be making everyone with a foot fetish look terrible. but that's not an inherent thing about them. that's a choice they made. being AGP isn't an inherently bad thing either for the same reason. people with AGP who harm others choose to be like that, so just because you're AGP doesn't mean you're currently hurting other women, or making other women look bad, or whatever. but anyways i don't really want to agree with the notion that you're AGP, i just want to make you feel better about it because i think you're really set on saying that you are. in my opinion you're just a non-AGP trans woman who happens to hate herself severely. i just don't think you can be AGP or AGAMP when you hate yourself so much for being a trans woman. at this point i'm pretty sure i'm just rambling and i probably haven't addressed any of the points i actually wanted to address so i just hope you know that you're trying and that counts for a lot. but i still think you need to be nicer to yourself. you living your life is a woman living her life, contributing to the world in the process. be proud of yourself for that at the very least. i'm gonna stop before i start sounding too retarded but i hope none of this came off as dumb or whatever. have a good rest of your day/night.